SW-COW Compatibility Patch (Currently Outdated). After its charred remains have been retrieved from a burning building. This mod adds and improve some details around some main interfaces around the game, I will be adding more improvements on this mod along the way, and listing bellow what I have changed so far: Skills Background Bright + Prowess Background. But they really were a small part of the game, especially compared to CK3. All rights reserved. Nah, If you were a character it'd be a mess, Let's launch a line of talking Narrator dolls, The Narrator is just like us which basically means anyone can do his job. Thousands of CK3 mods are available to download on Steam Workshop, and while many are still mid-development, they offer an easy way to spruce up your medieval statecraft with new challenges, quirky mechanics, or total conversions. If they were an actual animal [player name], no doubt! This simple mod changes the grey water color to deep blue color. Turn it into the next MonsterChef champion. changeowner [TAG] [province id] - Change the current owner of [province id] to the TAG specified. Miranda, just make cute eyes! I haven't had a culture with Mendicant Mystics before so I kept playing for a little while to see if I would one of the tradition's events. Say nothing. Retrieve the legendary bag of lasagna-flavored chips, Lunch events: Leonard, Violet/Tate (Second Term), Carry me around in a wheelbarrow while I eat grapes, [player name] could charm the pants off a statue, [player name] seduced the entire population of Lemuria, [player name] solves mysteries for breakfast. Below is a searchable table of all 10559 events and event IDs from CK2. That's a strawman argument. Adds new Finno-Ugric religions to the game! Dev diary #116 - Agrarian Research Techniques, Dev diary #113 - Community Choice Event Pack, https://ck3.paradoxwikis.com/index.php?title=Crusader_Kings_III_Wiki&oldid=16574, Play [player name] dropped out of school years ago, [player name] appeared in last year's yearbook, Rumors say that [player name] was raised by a pack of wild art curators, [player name] is actually just a skeleton, They can tell the difference between theater and theatre, [player name] is the founder and head editor of Exotic Aquatics. If these interactions aren't enough or you want more fine-tuning, you'll find below a lengthy list of Crusader Kings 3 console commands and cheats that should prove helpful: tutorial.enable [gamestate/global/all (default: global)] - Enable the tutorial. Humor can be extremely effective in even in very dark settings, but without a baseline seriousness it's just pure comedy or even outright parody. You're overthinking this, Scott! Please see the. Please see the. Speak to our highest-ranking officer: COACH! What about when you go searching for pizza in the wild? Any succesful outcome + Go to prom with Miranda or Scott. Only one of them (Bambuk) is controlled by Ghana. Chop up all the study tables with a big axe! Why join the Dark Side when you could join the Mark Side? If you want Damien, you'll have to go through me Show Calculester that the ax is just a prop, The Dark Side was sort of cool last month, Speak the forbidden name of the Faceless Goat God, Tell him there was a three-horned paper-gobbler, Smashing the internet is literally our only option. Have you tried looking behind you? ), We're just trying to support the local liquor store owner through hard times. [REDUNDANT] North Sea Empire - Decision & Title. Convince them this is an emergency, Consult a plant biologist with expertise on whatever Kale's plant species is, Fake a serious illness that requires a kidney transplant, Oh, this? They tried to put [player name] on the cover of Hot People Magazine [player name] is the discoverer of the org, [player name] told me it was to conceive children, That reckless bastard eats gluten! Again, it doesn't need to be historical at all. [player name] knows the correct silverware to use when eating silverware! . Toss Aaravi the Legendary Garmagorian Axe of Introspection! 0 coins. The aim of this mod is to add more buildings to vanilla, and give the player a row of options and not simply pick the same buildings everytime. Liam, animals are already sufferingfrom ignorance! So now an event gets picked, how does the AI determine what to do, and what can the player influence it? ", Disassemble the bear to make its true nature less obvious, Travel to Nepal to study the secret arts of the gift-giving monks, I can tell you that the best way to get inside Blobert's head is to dress like him, Hire a retired FBI agent to secretly analyze Bolbert's body language, A full e-commerce website built using your sick web design skills, Miranda Vanderbilt, of the very nice hair, Miranda Vanderbilt, of the commanding voice. Any to 867 or 1166, users take on the role of a warrior. Gonna try playing with vanilla, then I'll decide if it's worth the effort. Thanks for the explanation, but that's really strange, because I've found the event in this video. You can easily go 200+ years without any of them triggering. If the child already has 3 Personality traits, the chance to get a 4th Personality trait event on their birthday drops down to 5%, and disabled if there are already 4 traits. Theyre so cute! CK3 Wiki Active Wikis. The true owner of the internet was you all along! In case if you were wondering, yes, it's entirely possible for the child to receive less than 3 traits under this system, as the AI child may have rolled the same trait option multiple times, or that you've decided to give him the same trait multiple times. Calculester: Bathrooms events (Second Term). Polly, you deserve othing less than pure, unadulterated spirit! If you have a certain event with Scott in the Gym, it will be either listed under "Anywhere" or "Gym". If you've ever played a child, or paid attention to the description of each Personality event as a guardian, you'd realize there are additional events related to guardian, friend, crush, bully, victim (if you're the bully) and pets. Your version of history is pretty sterile if that's your hill. The most powerful drug of all is the friends we make along the way! And I think we just have to accept that. Before revealing the list of CK3 trait IDs, let me tell you that these must be used alongside the add_trait and remove_trait console commands. Age 15: Witch conversion event from the guardian. Your mission is part of an ancient and righteous quest, To punch the sun, you must first surrender your ego, Any succesful outcome + Go to prom with Damien, Unless some big, strong, man decides to teach me how to fight, Divert their attention by making money rain, Get so angry you end up unleashing a new level of stylism, Change your scissors for a dagger and your makeup for blood. It's an option. Choosing a favourite crime wouldn't be fair to all the great crimes Vera's done! The steak is too cooked already! outcome + Go to prom alone. Crusader Kings 3 Event ID List Find below a searchable list of all event IDs from CK3 for use with the event console command. A mod which makes some important notifications like child guardianship alerts instead of being under the issues tab. Set the building on fire and charge an exit fee, Trick everyone in the cafeteria to having an orgy, then film it. Maybe the census event? So I decided to make a complete list of events and outcomes myself to help others crazy enough to find them all. Victim: Has to be a 4+ yo child with <0 opinion of you. This mods currently adds five new CBs, but I plan to add even more. I can't see who has given this guide one, but I want to let all of the award givers know that I really appreciate every single one of them. You're right Scott! All you have to do is raise your right hand. With the Ruler Designer update that was freely added to the game in late 2020, CK3 gave players a ton of new customization options in regards to the aesthetics of individual characters. If you plan on making any major changes it is recommended you read the style guidelines first. All trademarks are property of their respective owners in the US and other countries. It just needs to be. Slay your audition to become part of Cats, the musical, Show off the Dylan Rupert you've strategically bred, The taste buds of a true marijuana sommelier, Go to the police. It's a sauce made of secrets! Secret Ending events with multiple characters. If you were paying attention, you probably noticed it's possible to get a 4th trait at a 5% chance on 14/15th birthday, or a 9.75% chance to get it if the child already has 3 traits at age 13. Have you noticed [player name]'s cool haircut? Let's give this plant a near-death experience! may not be appropriate for all ages, or may not be appropriate for viewing at work. A food pic of Liam taking a food pic! Lets walk to the limits of reality, and then walk some more! Age 9: Reincarnation trait if the faith has Reincarnation tenet. Please note that I have released a new version and the version on this page may not be maintained in the future. Scott, sanity is extremely high in cholesterol! In CK3, when reforming or creating a religion, you have to choose its beliefs, its doctrines. AI child: Each of the Personality options has the same base chance to be picked by the AI child. Every team needs motivation, and an army is just another kind of team! This mod was originally intended for personal use. This way you get the best out of each trait event set while receiving a fairly decent education outcome, as your Genius guardian can still contribute to 6 education checks out of 9. Maybe there's a secret way out. Will no longer be updated#. Of COURSE this cup couldn't belong to Damien, We can throw things at Polly and see what goes through her, Allow me to explain Polly's situation quite simply, It's a matter of perspective, Calculester. A succesful outcome for one of the two options + You need to buy, Suggesting the prom punch could use a bit more cocaine, Seducing Abercrombie McGizz, the cafeteria troll in charge of the punch, Any succesful outcome + Go to prom with Scott. This item has been removed from the community because it violates Steam Community & Content Guidelines. Upload subversive propaganda to the other robots' CPUs, Croissant, School Bus, Shooting Star, Trumpet and Crocodile, Legalization of recreational chimera toxins, Hypnotize Liam into liking something uncool. To enter these commands players must first open Crusader Kings 3 in debug mode and then access the console window by pressing the ~ key. Does anyone know if there is a list of all ck3 events id's? [player name] has a huge collection of super lame busdriver trading cards [player name] would blush deeply and shyly. They dont exist yet, so they cant possibly become popular! Contents 1 Scripting Tools 1.1 Visual Studio Code 1.2 Sublime Text 1.3 Notepad++ 2 Location 3 Structure 3.1 ID and namespace 3.2 Flags 4 Portraits 4.1 Portrait Positions 4.2 Animations 5 Themes 5.1 Backgrounds This simple mod renames "Hooks" to "Leverage". I don't list the whole dialogue for space related reasons, so don't try to type the whole sentence unless it's small. VIET Events - A Flavor and Immersion Event Mod, Current Version: 1.8.3 "William of Ockham" (Released 1/31/23, Compatible with vanilla patch 1.8.X). I feel like there is a defense of single events while ignoring or downplaying the systemic issues with the way events are written. Feel free to make your own version of this mod if you feel so inclined, I won't be updating it anymore from here on. As mentioned, it's still a good idea to have 2 wards at all times, for a chance to receive pet dog/cat from your wards. Information, Frequently Asked But have we asked the orange how it feels? A sport? She loves death threats, so maybe you can become death threat pen pals? Popular Discussions View All (6) 20 Aug 8, 2022 @ 11:08am Traduccin completa Espaol zubzerozD 49 Nov 14, 2022 @ 1:19pm . Imagine all the food you could Instagram, without have to eat any! If you use some kind of way of tracking the events you have already seen you will find them all that way in no time. Event 445 doesn't seem to have the right dialogue choice at all btw. This item will only be visible in searches to you, your friends, and admins. The likelihood that not a single proclaimed Caliph ever had a cathartic thought while being proclaimed is indeed very hard to believe for me. If I throw these dice and get a double six, you leave us alone. The Security Game! That's the issue here! You can easily grow this arrangement into a business An absolutely ridiculous amount of push-ups, Let's do the spell that turns you into two helicopters, Foreign Minister in Charge of Extreme Handsomeness. [player] would be a toaster, despite being small, they are very brave, [player name] talks to the washing machine, [player name] detests any kind of intelligence, I found [player name] with a vacuum cleaner. The Ultimate CK3 Achievement Guide. Convince Liam to return to his K-Pop phase. . I think we're missing the REAL chemistry here Maybe knowing the allegiances could be the ultimate trick, I think I've stumbled upon the ultimate Vera shipping chart, Lunch events: Dahlia, Dmitri (Second Term). Meanwhile on Reddit, posts about "my lesbian viking Queen killed an assassin with a recipe scroll lmao!" It may not display this or other websites correctly. Pelt them with steamed vegetables. But be warned, modding Crusader Kings 3 is a subtle addiction. Alt Cultural Artwork + Sane Warfare Compatibility Patch. A reintroduction of the "Delve into the Classics" Decision/Event line from Holy Fury. This mod will let you form the historic North Sea Empire. Tobbzn on the CK3 Mod Co-op for helping me figure out how to adapt my CK2 province events and do a system for county events for CK3. Don't warn me again for Monster Prom. Challenge it to a radical hip hop battle! Steal the final jelly dessert from the jelly dessert factory! One of my main frustrations in the game is when you have landed your heir and he gets a child (your future heir) of his own, you have no control over his education or marriage. CK3 Console Commands by Heleen April 20, 2022, 8:15 am Crusader Kings III is a great power videogame/kingdom simulation rooted in the 1400s, similar to its precursors Crusader Kingdoms and Crusader Kings II. The following guides helped me to find all events and outcomes, and they are really helpful so check them out if you need more information and/or help. You must log in or register to reply here. Traditional colour of Persia has always been Blue, not Green. So they could be in other locations or maybe anywhere.). You can see the progress on the discord. Simple mod that replaces all instances of 'Domain' to 'Demesne' in the localization. Its mostly fine but that last option, how many levies does your god have, is just so. And for lunch. Just start dancing in a very stylish way! Build a very powerful bomb and then disguise it with a wig, Hire Dante Alighieri as your Hell Consultant, Fight gentrification by strictly regulating new condo developments. Ultimately, it depends on what you value more, a higher chance for better education level which leads to higher Lifestyle EXP, or a higher chance for more desirable Personality traits. If they're not, enlighten me! You seem to think that comedy and childishness were invented in the modern period. Possess the body of the deceased, bringing him back for one last party! Let's go to the hospital and watch people give birth! [2] All rights reserved. This mod adds more religious doctrines to the game. Youre all above water, so he CANT BREATHE! Create a device to enhance your telepathic powers, Start a feud between FedEx and Amazon so they destroy each other. Scott, a good king is a strong ruler -- physically strong!!! Legacy Wikis. I hope they add some more fun "playful"events. This mod has been discontinued due to there being many superior portrait mods on the workshop, so use those instead! It's still entirely up to you between giving your heir(s) to a Genius guardian for better education outcome or educating the heir yourself for better traits. Isn't this plant worth more than the entirety of monsterkind? Once the child has picked their trait, the guardian will then receive another event, to allow Personality trait alteration. Pit yourself against other punks in an online poll! But like a ranger who's super nice and cares about your friends, Let's journey to the depths of Lof-Yars-Elf. Calculester: Auditorium events (Second Term), Frame him by putting some random jewels you stole in his bag, Calculester, theater is about fiction and the suspension of disbelief. Better Bactria adds more depth to the Form Bactria Decision. Calculester: Library events (Second Term), Install the SupportiveParent.v3 firmware update, Calculester: Outdoors events (Second Term). After playing for around 150 hours in the British Isles as a norse pagan, i felt a little bit disappointed with the current cultures available and suddenly becoming the head of the Norse culture, because everyone in the world has converted definetely break -Undress and dress any adult character any time! My word! I only tell how I died on the third date, boo. West Africa now starts with four historical mines, those are located in Bambuk, Siguiri, Boromo and Kumanasi. ORGY! Show them that a phone can also be used as a football! Fervour Inversion - Winning Holy Wars Increases Fervor, Fervour Inversion - Winning Holy Wars Increases Fervour. You sometimes aren't born in a way you truly feel like yourself, Produce a blockbuster that unexpectedly serves as a metaphor. I can assure you that they did not speak English, imagine whatever period-appropriate phrase you can. Add a hip new character to hook the target demo! Damien! Steam Community :: Guide :: Events and outcomes list (All events + DLC added!) (Then stab Damien. That drink is your birthright! If it is not listed under either of those, it is most likely a Date or Secret Ending event. ORGY! This item will only be visible to you, admins, and anyone marked as a creator. You've got to be blamed for ruining an industry that was becoming obsolete, A job so hard to explain that not even YOU are sure why you're getting paid, It's to treat a wound! If he was really a computer why would he be wearing that cool hat? Go to that most authoritative of all resources-- WikiHow! September 28, 2020 Crusader Kings 3 Crusader Kings 3 came with a lot of new. [player name] had a Sega Megadrive growing up, [player name] always ejects their pen drives before unplugging them. [V1.1.2] Was watching a bunch of Conan vids on youtube and I came up with this. Also, it increases the odds of the Fixes university education trigger. Protect Calculester through the power of a heartfelt speech. Solve the ancient enigma of your algebra homework! Begin in 867 or 1066 and claim lands, titles, and vassals to secure a realm worthy of your royal blood. There are actual events that I would see completely replaced, like the tinder event and that one starts with the portraits being available like it's the 16th century. Most serfs don't have thoughts or feelings! You look too good in that baseball cap just to give up on it now! (Partially Fixed in 1.1) Arumba's Fix WarHorse Mod, This is the fix for the WarHorse event chain that was made by Arumba07. I'll be the playable character to your non-playable character! Advertisement Coins. YOU CAN FIND IT HERE: This mod adds 36 bardcore cover songs for you to listen to in CK3 with a definite possibility for more. Scott! BOW BEFORE ME MORTALS. I challenge you to a Pokeman duel in order to change your mind! This mod changes the default gender succession law to agnatic, as opposed to male-preference. People smiled back then too, you know. True royalty has been inside you all along, Flag time! You think he's eating for you, but secretly he's eating for himself! Theres a Stuart Hogarth on top of that pile of mashed potatoes! Adds new natural colors to the hair color selection in the barbershop. Events are the meat of every well-rounded mod; smaller and larger bits of story that can happen to a player during the campaign. So this is just another one of those out of place modern references. Dont dismiss the utter suspense and extreme pathos of waiting, I know you guys can't actually fight for the 8th circle right now, Polly comes here because SECRET BACKSTORY REVEAL, Polly comes here because SHE CAN DO WHAT SHE WANTS. Some of that is appropriate for a small tribal chief, but why are kings and emperors drinking in the village tavern, taking strolls through town, or getting their own food from the kitchen, among other things. Would an uncool person be giving Vera 50 Monster Dollars? Yes, absolutely. Since I'm a noob modder I can not fix the compatibility issue. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. I bought Adrian von Ziegler's Complete Discography just for this mod. We've gotta pick Liam up and toss him in the air, Instead of food it's just a bottle of whiskey with ketchup on it. Type the name of an event, or an event ID, into the search box below to instantly search our database of 10559 event IDs. I wanted a simpler shieldmaiden mod than what was available from other modders. CK3 Cheats CK3 Innovation IDs CK3 Trait IDs CK3 Blog Enter the name of an event, or an event's ID, into the search box below to instantly filter our database of 2561 event codes. Age 9, 11, 13, 14, 15: Personality trait gets added from events. Hope never defeated Amazon she was Jeff Bezos all along! So aside from Historical characters that are exempt from # of traits rule, every child follows the same flow for Childhood trait events. Disrupt the class with a stunning display of athletics, Bring the teacher lots of small animal carcasses, You're giving the computer mouth-to-mouth instead of me. Draw a pentagram on the floor and place a fat stack of money in the center, Start a giant sacrificial bonfire of weed. [player name] has their whole life planned out. Or more specifically the errant heir event Id. *This is abandoned, feel free to use the code how you wish, unlikely to have updates*, Equality Matrilineal Fix (Now Obsolete with Patch 1.2). Maybe the census event? Replaces all the cultural men-at-arms with new unique artworks that is exclusive to each one of them. But they really were a small part of the game, especially compared to CK3. This mod adds: The third mod in the Immersive cultures series, the aim of Byzantium eternal is to add a bit more flavour to the Byzantine empire. Lets you move the Suggestions window wherever you want. awful. They are created as a result of events in certain wars, and also appear for some characters in historical starts. What about your collection of exotic corpses? You won't have room for all these baby seals, Try the picture fork. They CAN sleuth their way out of a paper bag! However, it's still not guaranteed that you won't get one of the worse set, such as Arbitary/Lazy/Craven or Impatient/Shy/Gluttonous, even if your character does not have any trait within these undesirable sets. We need to crossbreed her with a faster car, Pick Love Interest events: Second Term (1), Pick Love Interest events: Second Term (2), Removing money from banks makes them less evil, That giant, gelatinous, fifty-foot creature, Make lifelong friends with a diverse group of students. If you truly want to try for a 4th Personality trait for your heir, you can plan your ruler's death with a massive stress spike (best done with Compassionate/Just ruler with Execute) or Suicide (best done with Ritual Suicide Tenet) when your primary heir is still very young. The second mod in the Immersive cultures series, this time we're tackling the Anglo-Saxons. Let's look at Damien's Tinder messages. Removes the silly date restriction placed on technology progress. They'll be dead by noon, probably, [player name] already has a place reserved in a retirement community, You can't spell "sports" without "[player name]". I don't see the issue. *, Obsolete for 1.2 Onwards]. It's entitled "silverware-wear", This will take an army of homeless people we pay. Compare this to the options in the, CK3 defenders often like to point out that CK2 had its meme events too, and they arent wrong. CK3 mods: From tweaks to total conversions To open the console while in the game, press the ` key, the ~ (tilde) key, or Shift-Alt-C. Press ` or ~ again to close it (Shift-Alt-C doesn't seem to. But it doesn't even get it right when attributing the levies to god. Ooh, Miranda, you should get a puppy serf! Any succesful outcome + Go to prom with Liam, Polly or Scott, I LIKE THE FACT THAT THEY ARE 17 FEET TALL (probably? Smash her cellphone, blame the other team, Convince Coach that dodgeball is cultural appropriation, Visit the dungeons of LNkom, Sumerian God of Makeup, Invent a cute cuddly character to hock your product, Rally a swarm of extradimensional termites. My Insta feed just told me that "snitching" is last week's challenge! You know how [player name] works at a burger joint on the weekends? If you want to savescum for these events, make sure you use the saves BEFORE the relevant birthdays. If you believe your item has been removed by mistake, please contact, This item is incompatible with Crusader Kings III. Certain CBs (such as Rivalry) can also be used only by or Justinian is the Last Roman. What's this, Calculester? You just need to lift really heavy books! On my quest to find all the events and outcomes of the game I came across a lot of guides that were either incomplete, without event name, with mistakes or a combination of above. Be careful! [player name] is for some reason very popular among Swedish fanfic writers. What if, instead of apples, they were oranges? Scott, electricity is the coolest and most energetic thing to eat! Player Child: You have a 20% chance to pick your own sexuality instead of a random assignment. Did you even check to see if your poison is vegan-friendly? Event 0006 is a little different where the initial base weight will be x0.25, but having a crush or an available crush within the realm (can not be the same child) will add +100% each, or x1.25/x2.25. There are two secret endings that don't really fit in either category, so I put those here. Like, feasts are a great place for comedy! Use GitHub file history feature to compare_versions. Get me a saddle and lets enter the race! Are you sick of every single woman in medieval Europe being raised like they're some kind of e-thot MEGA ? AoW: Planetfall Cities: Skylines Crusader Kings 3 Empire of Sin Europa Universalis 4 Hearts of Iron 4 Imperator: Rome Prison Architect Stellaris Surviving Mars Surviving the Aftermath Vampire: The Masquerade Victoria 3. The intensity of this rave is powering the whole cafeteria! It's true, I swear! SNAKE! Take big screenshots of characters, rotate them, change poses, background and visual traits. And this isn't merely personal preference. Any succesful outcome + Go to prom with Zoe, You only buy your videogames once their prices have CHANGED. Frankly, it is generally dormant/on maintenance mode, as I'm happy with where the Conquest CB now lands. Sure, art might be about Miranda. You sometimes will also realize a child somehow already has a stress coping mechanism before coming of age (drunkard, recluse, etc). An illusion created by the drugs youre on! You can randomly run into people who shouldn't be there. Vanilla Iberians are a mess in historical accuracy, having this in mind i've created this mod which attempts to improve the cultural distributions and transitions happening at the time. Events and outcomes list (All events + DLC added!). This ruins so many events for me. The chance to be picked is x4 if the guardian has the same Personality, or x0.5 if the guardian has the opposite Personality. At the time I thought maybe succeeding 2/3 is enough to trigger the ending. The game is set in the middle ages and the players have the choice to adopt the playstyle that they want and acquire the character traits accordingly. Distract Leonard by creating the perfect REAL gamer girl profile. After having played both as and against tribals, I was left unsatisfied with their gameplay. Some tips to improve failing economic system. will option 1 always show up on the top and option 2 show up on the bottom? addresearch(addr) [techname] - Adds research at specified name. The only aim about this guide is to provide a list of Trait IDs that you can use with these commands in the game. [player] would be a Slap Chop, which is the best machine ever! Valve Corporation. Explain to Dmitri the Prince is a better suitor for the Dark Side, RULE 1: Playing sexually with other people is OK, RULE 1: Never make your relationship follow rules dictated by a semi-stranger, STRIPPERS! If you believe your item has been removed by mistake, please contact, This item is incompatible with Monster Prom. Crush: Has to be 6+ yo child with >-30 opinion of you, and within x0.73~x1.20 the age of the child. AI Guardian: AI guardians will NEVER alter the choice the child has picked. The five-point ball exploding heart technique! Make everyone who doesn't love you disappear, Recruit people who want to be bossed around, Dont be silly! There are also events where you somehow end up in places you shouldn't be. Adding or removing traits all follow a general formula . If the guardian is a reveler/drunkard, there's also a chance to trigger a childhood event with a 1/4 chance to remove the Shy trait. As a combination of the above there are events where someone else just randomly gets close to you, without any sense of having guards or other people around you. Caviar, eel, chocolate-covered sandcrabs, An elegant, stencilled card with your sincerest apologies, Stick a web of flies outside the Principals office, Hire Scuber, the underwater taxi service, to deliver the letter for you. Why get married when you can bounce on this trampoline? This gives you one extra reason to always have 2 wards at all times, and the younger the better, as the 5% chance will quickly get reduced as the child receives friend/crush/bully/victim.

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